Jackie: My advice would be to stop beating yourself up. You have done your best and no one can ask for more (especially yourself). You seem to think you should be doing something else or something more and sometimes you have to accept that you can’t. I would suggest you find a topic that you are really excited about and teach a mini lesson to your students about it. Make it something personal that you like, do, or are involved in. This might give them an inside look at you as a person but if it doesn’t, at least you will get some enjoyment from it. Sounds like you are a great teacher and you need to give yourself a pat on the back.

I am a recent college graduate, and I have only just recently accepted a teaching position, so I don’t know how qualified I am to respond to this post. I know I don’t understand all that goes on yet. I know that I will be in for a shock no matter how much I’ve prepared for my new profession. I am a newbie. I have more enthusiasm for teaching than you can imagine. I have fairytale visions of what my classes will be like. So I guess that means you should take my advice with a grain of salt, but I’ll share it anyways.
The best piece of advice my collaborating teacher gave me (and she gave some really good advice) is to not take it personally. Whatever goes on in your classroom is not a personal attack on you. Kids are just kids and they do some really obnoxious, immature, and disrespectful things sometimes, but in order to survive, you absolutely cannot take it personally. Take responsibility for it, yes. But don’t take anything a kid says or does to heart. Easier said then done, I know.
It sounds to me like you are working at a school that is not a good place for you. If your employer is not willing to help you become a better employee, find a better place to work. Also, you cannot expect your students to be excited about your lessons (and therefore learners, not disrupters) if you yourself are not excited about what you are teaching. If I were you, I would take a week or two to teach something that really excited me (regardless of how it fit with the standards).

But if you 100% know that you are miserable, and there is nothing that will change the situation, then I think you should find a new profession. Like you said, you deserve better, and so do the kids. Best of luck to you!

Your post made me sad, it’s hard to go to work everyday if you are not happy. I’ll retire in a couple of years from a teaching job that has been a joy–there is rarely a day I don’t want to go to school. Since I’m so close to retirement I want to make sure you don’t forsake your retirement benefits (if you’ve been in the same state) if a change of position might make a difference. Someone said a change of grade level may help but how about something completely different. How about a change to special ed, gifted, ELL, counseling, Reading? Don’t give up your love of teaching if a speciality change may help!

Great responses so far. This is the kind of stuff I was expecting to come from you people!

I’m not ignoring them all, but I want to emphasize what Mr. Maestro and some others have already said here.

I grew up in the Dallas area and never intended on leaving. I resigned after my second year and ended up taking a job half a day away on the border with Mexico. Moving from a metropolitan area of over 6,000,000 people to a small town next to Mexico, it was a cultural adjustment to say the least. I went from teaching 6th through 12th grade band to teaching 6th grade only. I had no friends within 400 miles. That was totally not what I wanted!

But it ended up being the best thing possible for me. I have grown to where I almost love the culture here on the border. Things are much slower and more laid back. That drives me crazy at times, but it’s also really good for me at times!

Sometimes a change of some sort (scenery, grade level, altitude, position, career path, etc.) will be the best thing for you. Sometimes just spending the summer doing nothing at all (if you can…) is great medication as well.